Last Night.

I'm not sure how to feel right now. Part of me is just plain tired. Part of me is worried that I'm forgetting to pack some things. Part of me is super excited that tomorrow is the day the movers come and we're a step closer to heading back to the lower 48.

And then there are the parts that are sad. Weirdly, oddly, unexpectedly, and unwelcome-ly (it's my blog, I can make up a word if I want) sad.

Tonight is our last night sleeping in this house. Our home. I put the baby to bed tonight for the last time in her first room. Unfortunately, she has to sleep in a pack 'n' play for the first night of the next month+. (We decided to take her crib apart ourselves so that we could be sure of where the parts are, and so that Jason could be sure of how to put it back together at the other end. I'm sure the directions are around somewhere, but who wants to look for them?) Even more unfortunately, she did NOT like the pack 'n' play and was VERY difficult to get down.

Well, it was either the lack of a crib, or it was her innate sense of her Mommy's sadness. Tonight is our last night in this house. Tomorrow, the movers will probably get the bulk of our worldly possessions (and there are a lot of them) packed up into boxes. They'll stack them high in the living room, or maybe the garage, and, little by little, this will become not our home anymore. And then tomorrow afternoon, we'll go to the title company and sign the paperwork, selling our first home to someone new.

Add to all that the fact that I suddenly have this strange sentimental attachment to Kodiak - the place I've wanted to leave desperately for the last year or so - and it's just a weird night. An odd, unexpected and strange night. I'm sure the exhaustion isn't helping. And I KNOW the worry about forgetting something isn't helping. But I really didn't expect these feelings.

Check back with me in a little over a month and I'll let you know if I'm still sad to not be in Kodiak anymore.

5 minutes to go, sir!!

(Note... I'm cross-posting this from another blog I contribute to, with the numbers changed slightly since it's a couple days after I originally posted it.)

I should probably start by explaining the title… At the CG Academy, at least way back in ancient days when I was there, a fourth class cadet (freshman) was assigned the task of being the “Clock Orderly.” The job of the Clock Orderly was to count down the minutes until a formation, so that all the upper class knew when they had to actually rush out and didn’t have to show up early. The Clock Orderly would stand under one of the clocks in the passageway (hallway for you non-nautical types) and start his or her schpiel with the words “5 minutes to go, sir!” (or “ma’am” if the Company Commander happened to be a woman). In the interim space between 5 minutes and 4 (and then 3 and 2), the Orderly would then spew all kinds of random information, called indoc, to keep people up to speed on things like the menu for the next three meals, what movies were playing at the local theater, the opponent for the football game that weekend, and finally, the days to go until major events like vacations, or federal holidays when cadets would get some time off.

All that said, this is my version of the Clock Orderly days to go count, as I near the end (at least temporarily) of my Coast Guard career. Back in September, it seemed so far away when I wrote my resignation letter and submitted it, which, at the time, seemed like the strangest thing I’d done to date in my Coast Guard career. Then Christmas rolled around, and I got my orders approving my temporary separation on Christmas Eve. THAT then took the place as the strangest thing to happen yet in my career. That was topped yet again the other day when I received the draft of my DD-214 (discharge certificate) for review. So far, that wins.

My departure doesn’t happen tomorrow, though. I still have a few more milestones to get through. So here we go!

Five minutes to go, sir! There are five minutes to go until this afternoon’s lunch formation. Lunch formation will be held at (well, it’s nice in Kodiak today…) FAIR weather parade! Uniform for lunch formation is ODU without parka.

Sir, there is 1 day to go until our pre-moveout yard sale!

There are 10 days to go until the movers show up at the house! (What!?! Who authorized that? I’m not ready for them yet!!)

There are 12 days to go until we move out of the house. The first house we ever purchased. A house I love. The house I’m proud to call my home and have welcomed so many friends into during our time in Kodiak when the only thing to do was to hang out in the house because the weather was so bad. The house I brought my baby home to. The house I hated to see in the middle of the night as I tried desperately to calm that baby when she was crying like nothing could ever make her stop. The house that I’m reminded every day is not child-proofed as my now-11 month old manages to find yet another thing she’s not supposed to be getting into. The house that has been home when “home” is 5000 miles away all the way on the other side of the country and then some. The house I hope the new owners will love as much as we have.

There are 21 days to go until my Change of Command. I’ll finish my dream CG job – the one thing I’ve wanted to do since I was a junior at the Academy. I’ll never have a job as good again, in the CG or out.

There are 22 days to go until we board the ferry, bound for the mainland and a 19-day cross-country adventure with 2 parents who haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in almost a year, a 90-lb lab, and an almost one-year old who’s never been in a car for longer than 4 hours at a time – and that was only once.

There are 41 days to go until we arrive at our shiny, sparkly, brand-new, never-been-lived in house in Mobile, Alabama, where we’re likely to melt in the heat and hole ourselves up in the air conditioned comfort until sometime in January.

There are 58 days to go until my last day in the Coast Guard. I will officially become a civilian on 16Aug, after serving for 15 years, 1 month and 6 days (or 11 years, 2 months and 28 days if you don’t count my Academy time). The option will be open for me to return to the Coast Guard within two years, but I don’t know if that’s something the future holds for me. Juggling two active duty careers with a child (and maybe more one day) in the mix just seems a little more than we want to try to handle. We’ve done our time being separated by orders and it was hard enough on just the two of us, let alone bringing a child into that mix. So, although I may work again, I have my doubts that it will be as an active duty member of the Coast Guard. Instead, I’ll wake up on 16Aug, knowing that my only “paycheck” will be the time I get to spend with my daughter, the time I’ve missed by being at work this past year, and I think I’ll be more than happy to collect my pay.

As I type this, the reality of everything is washing over me. I have some major transitions on the horizon! Some exciting – like leaving Kodiak! – and some slightly terrifying – like being a stay at home mom! – but all of them just a few more steps in this adventure of Coast Guard life.

And I think we’re down to about 30 seconds to go until that formation. Seems my thoughts got away from me a little! I hope I don’t get in trouble for rambling and forgetting to tell people what’s for lunch!!

Road trip!!!

Exactly one month from right now, we'll be hanging out at Brad and Christina's (minus Brad) house over in Seward. That will be night one (as long as you don't count the night on the ferry) of our big cross-country move (take 2). We have a fabulous trip planned, starting with an overnight on the ferry from here to Homer the day after my change of command, and ending 19 days later at our new home in Mobile. Yep, that's right. 19 days. In the truck. With the baby. And the dog. Did I mention 19 days? Oh, and the baby is still rear-facing in her carseat, so she gets to look at the back of the truck for 19 days.

So pretty much now I'm just hoping I don't get too car sick from the backseat of the truck while we're driving on the awesome-ness that is the ALCAN.

Doesn't this look like fun?

In case you're counting, that's something along the lines of 4800 miles. And 19 days.

We do have a few exciting stops planned, though. We're going to take a little time in Alaska on the way out, doing the stuff we said we'd do before we leave. Which, I guess we technically are, we just meant sooner than actually on the way out! So we'll stop in Seward to see Christina (and the SeaLife Center), and then we'll head north to Denali, a little further north to Fairbanks, and then we'll start making our way south again after first going through North Pole! Many Santa pictures will follow.

Reservations are made - this time without a stop in the armpit of the world - and we're the most excited about the extra time we'll be spending at the Grand Canyon! That'll be our one big stop this time around, rather than the 3-4 extra stops we made on the way out. We figured with the baby, the better part of valor was to truck along instead of taking too much time!

In the next 4 weeks (ACK!!! How did it get to be so soon!?!), we have to have a yard sale, decide what's coming with us in the trailer, deal with the movers, close on the house, move down the road to our temporary house (courtesy of our friend Rob), wrap things up at our jobs, host some family, have a change of command, throw the baby a birthday party, and about a bazillion other things. But, it'll all get done, I'm sure. If it doesn't, well, we'll still be on the road on time anyway!

Part of me can't believe that our time here in Kodiak is coming to an end so soon. The other part of me is jumping out of my skin to get out of here and move forward! We've got an enormous amount of changes coming and, even though change scares the poo outta me, I'm excited!

In 2 weeks, when the movers show up, I'll probably forget about the excitement under the huge weight of the stress, but, for now, I'll talk myself into the excitement!

So, anyone know of good places to stop along our route? If you squint really hard, you should be able to figure out where we're going!

Figured out the camcorder

After months of having our little camcorder, and wondering why it only came with software/drivers for a PC, I finally figured out you don't need any of that for a Mac. I seriously need to learn more about my computer.

So, since I got it hooked up, I'm now going to see if I can figure out how to get a video on here. If this works, this should be video of Michaela climbing the stairs a couple weeks ago, the day she was 10 months old.

Here goes nothin'!!

First word... I think

I'm pretty sure Michaela said her first word today (or maybe it was yesterday... the days are running together).

I think Jason would like to think her first word was Dada since, lately, when I ask her to say, "Mama," she just looks right at me and says, "Da-Da," instead. That's an awesome ego boost for me, in case you wondered. But, although she can say "Dada" she doesn't actually use it in reference to her father. So I'm saying it's NOT her first word.

However, in the past day or so, she HAS said "Hi." (that's with a period, not an exclamation point) in the correct context. And I have to tell you, it's the cutest little sound in the world! It should come as no surprise that "hi" would be her first word, though, since her very favorite thing to do is wave hello to everyone she sees. She's been waving hello for a couple months now, and only recently figured out you do the same thing to say good bye as well.

So, I'm calling it - "Hi" is Michaela's first word, spoken a handful of times today, May 28th, 2010. Time to write that down on the calendar!

M is for....

.... MOOSE! (and you thought I was going to say Michaela, right?)

No, I still haven't seen a moose, though I have high hopes of finally getting to see one when we get to the mainland at the start of our cross-country trip this summer.

The moose I'm talking about is the kind that's neatly packaged in our freezer.

In anticipation of the move, we're trying to finally eat at least SOME of the stuff we've got in there. We're planning to have someone ship whatever is left to us once we get to Mobile, but, in the meantime we need to eat some of it or we'll spend half our moving money to get it to us. So this past week, we dug into the moose.

And our little Alaska girl - the one who had Daddy-caught salmon as her first meat - couldn't get enough of it. Granted, it was moose disguised as smoked sausage (and later hotdog), but she still absolutely loved it! Add that to halibut and salmon as some of her favorite proteins. Yep, Alaska girl!

(I know it's hard to see, but the little nugget she's getting ready to pick up is, in fact, moose sausage.)

In other food news, I finally let go of my Type-A-ness for a few minutes and let her just pick up some noodles with marinara instead of trying to feed them to her. In a nod to the Italian part of her heritage, she definitely had no problem with that. She LOVED it!

And, finally, making this post about Michaela, yet again, this picture just cracks me up. No, she does not put herself in there, but, yes, she likes it. And the bonus is that I can keep her contained for a few minutes. Now that she's mobile - wait, did I tell you she's mobile? Yep, crawling like a champ... even tackled the stairs the other day - keeping her contained for a few minutes is a nice thing to be able to do.

I think I said something in my last post about trying to keep up with the blog better. Ha. That's funny since it's been over 2 weeks again. In my defense, though, I finally got around to planning our cross-country trip and that kept me busy for quite a while. I'll tell you all about it in my next post. We're not sure whether to be excited or scared to death about our 19-day adventure beginning in Kodiak and ending in Mobile, with about 4500 miles of driving in between!

Pictures and pictures and pictures

And almost all of them are of Michaela. A little because she makes a good subject and a lot because I'm pretty sure her grandparents would kill me if I didn't include them.

Let's start with the (mostly) non-Michaela stuff...

It was absolutely BEAUTIFUL the last couple days here in Kodiak. Jason finally got back from three weeks in Mobile (1.5 of which I was traveling, too) on Saturday, so we took the chance to do some family stuff for the first time in a while.

It's the time of year when the whales start to come back to Alaskan waters, so we hopped in the car, made a pit stop at Java Flats (our favorite local sandwich shop), and headed out the road. We went out toward Narrow Cape - Pasagshak - where we ate our lunches in the car on the beach, watching the whales right off the beach. Unfortunately, even the super-mega-zoom lens wasn't enough to capture them, but it was awesome to watch. Lunch done, we bundled up and headed for what turned out to be a VERY short walk on the beach. It was FREEZING!! The thermometer said 45 and it was sunny, but the wind made it bitterly cold. Michaela, my little Alaska girl, loved it!

Besides the whales, Pasagshak is also the place to see Kodiak's wild-ish buffalo herd. For these guys, the super-mega-zoom was handy!

When we got back from Pasagshak (with both a morning and afternoon nap out of the way in the car!.... um, for the baby....), we still had the business of taking the dog out for a walk to attend to. So we headed to another cape - Spruce Cape - to get some exercise for Fred. He was kind enough to pause for a moment and pose for me.

Michaela posed, too. Oh, and I would like to point out that it was May 2nd yesterday. And she's wearing her snow suit and winter hat.

The business of fun out of the way, we headed back home where my to-do list failed to be completed and it took me way too long to get up-to-date on the finances that I hadn't touched in the three weeks since we'd last been home together. Ugh. I still have that to-do list to get to, but figured catching up here was more important!

Moving on to the Michaela show.... here are some of my favorite pictures from the last few weeks. We'll start with one I took in the car after we went to visit Grammie (my grandmother) when I was in CT. We should see if we can have a happy baby next time, right?

Next up - crazy hair day for daycare last week. April was the Month of the Military Child, so they had a different theme to each day last week... pajama day, dress up like mom or dad, crazy hair, etc...

I tried to do something crazy to her hair, but it's so fine that mousse wouldn't even make it stick up. I probably could've tried gel, but like every other day while Jason is gone, we were already running late, so I went with Plan B - clippies!

She also figured out how to dump over her toy bin in the living room while I was busy getting everything ready to go. Oh, and this was the 2nd to last day that it was safe to leave her alone - because she's now MOBILE!!! Yep, stinker finally decided to crawl on Friday, right at 9.5 months old. We're thinking it's going to be short-lived, though, since she's already learned that walking/cruising/standing in general are more fun. See?

And, finally, a series of pictures from tonight. The light was great in the kitchen and she was having fun playing with the magnets I put on the lower part of the fridge for her. Just for the record, she has about a million dollars worth of toys. But she'd rather play with anything that isn't really a toy - like paper, plastic water bottles, cups, and magnets. Oh, and the sunglasses are new and I'm trying to get her used to having the band around her head. Enjoy the Michaela goodness!

And, some close-ups. In addition to a happy baby next time, we're going to try for a cute one, too...Oh, and the tear is because she'd had a crying fit a minute before I set her up with the magnets because Daddy had the nerve to cook dinner, and Mommy had the nerve to go to the bathroom, leaving her all alone (in the middle of the kitchen, where Daddy was) for about two and a half minutes.

She's also a little ham who stops whatever she's doing to have her picture taken. Cracks us up. I was sitting all the way across the room, using a zoom lens, in an effort to get her without her "posing," but that only worked part-way. She's just too much!!

As far as Michaela's parents - we're doing well. We're down to about 2 months left here in Kodiak. Jason got a bunch of stuff taken care of with the new house during his trip and we'll be closing in less than 2 weeks! We still have a cross-country trip to plan, a house to finish selling here (we're under contract), a house to get ready for movers, etc, etc. The next couple months are going to be crazy, but that's ok... we're up for it since it means heading back to the "real world!"

Ok, it's after 10, I have to be up in time to really be on time for work tomorrow (it's so good to be the boss since that's not usually an issue), I haven't gotten my Mother's Day card(s) ready to send to Mom yet, and I should already be in bed. Hope you enjoyed the update. I know I always say it, but I really will try to be better over the next couple months if I can!!!