Summer fun!

I hope you've all been keeping up with me/us on my 365 blog. With all the story-telling I've been doing over there, I've been completely neglecting this blog.

But I had too many pictures from our trip to the splash pad today, and I've been putting entirely too many pictures of Michaela over there, so I defaulted to the old stomping grounds so I can overcome both those issues.

So here's Michaela having fun at the splash pad. She's a big fan of playing in the "fountain." There were tears when it was time to go.

When we first got there, Michaela was very excited to have her own bucket (last week, she literally cruised the perimeter of the splash pad looking for other kids' buckets). She soon abandoned the bucket in favor of other activities. She's so fickle.

This was one of those activities.... standing in the steady-stream from this one fountain. She told us, "This feels good!"

She also thought it would be funny to stick her finger into one of the fountains when there was no water coming out....

Guess how well that turned out.

Standing on the fountain was definitely a much safer bet.

And running through it was even better! (Note the very droopy swim suit. We left shortly after this... the diaper and suit were both water-logged and Michaela's fingers were all "sprinkled" (that would be wrinkled to you and me).

That's all I've got for today. I've been keeping our family happenings updated on the 365 blog, so go check that one out if you haven't lately!

My little model

I posted one of these pictures on Facebook today, but I had to put the rest of them out there, too, because Michaela is just such a goofball!!

This is a series of pictures I took of her this morning on our way out the door to go to a big Easter egg drop. She wanted her sunglasses... and she wanted to put them up on her head "like Mommy" (perched on the top of her head, like you would do with your glasses when you go inside or something), but then they fell down.

Staring into space, trying to find the glasses....

Working to get them back where they belong, and unhooked from the bunny bow....

Ha! They fell down completely! And upside down!

This would be when I told her to look up at me so I could take a picture since she kept looking at the ground. Yeah, I maybe should've said, "Look at Mommy." She looked up alright....

Perfect! Glasses are on and she's ready to go!

Oh, but wait! She thought maybe she'd just strike a quick pose for me! Why she equates looking at the camera with tilting her head like this, I don't know... but she's done it a couple times in the past few weeks!

I've had a few ideas floating around in my head about things I'd like to just write about, but haven't quite gotten to them yet. As you can imagine, this kid keeps me more than a little busy, so I don't get a lot of time to do things for myself! It's enough that I get my 365 blog updated every night. Sometimes it's right before midnight, but I've at least been getting it done every day! I know I always say I'm not going to neglect this blog so much, and I really don't mean to, but it's tough to find the time!!

Hopefully these pictures help make up for it!

365 Overflow

I had way too many options for my 365 Blog today. Since the rule over there is one picture (though I've been known to post two on occasion), I figured I'd make use out of this blog for once and get some updated pictures posted. So here are a few from today.

Getting ready to head out to the park...

Free-fall from the monkey bars... one of her new favorite past times...

Checking out the flowers....

Stopping and looking at the camera for 3 seconds for a rare picture with Mommy...

Rockin' away on the spring toys...

Hope you enjoy the picture update!

I am a nursing mom.

(*Disclaimer* If you don't want to hear a long story with some details about my nursing relationship with Michaela, don't keep reading! I'll come back next week or something with more pictures or a video or something!!)

I am a nursing mom.

Still.

Once upon a time, way before I even thought about having kids, I was pretty sure I would breastfeed, but I KNEW I wouldn’t go past infancy (technically, a year). To be honest, I was a little weirded out by people who nursed toddlers. Well, I should say, I was weirded out by the idea of a toddler nursing. I really felt like, once a child was walking and talking – the old “if they can ask for it, they’re too old” idea – how could there be any need to continue nursing. Ok, who am I kidding… I was weirded out by the idea of nursing at all. Really.

And then I got pregnant. Being in Kodiak, I was exposed to a lot more natural parenting ideas than I think I would’ve been in the real world. It wasn’t that I sought them out, it just seemed that I was around people who knew things about doulas and minimal-intervention childbirth, and nursing. I think going to a family practice clinic rather than an OB for my prenatal care probably helped that along.

The more I heard about these things, though, the more I looked into them. We took a childbirth class with a natural childbirth educator, who we also hired as our doula. She was also the volunteer with the Kodiak Kindness Project (a breastfeeding support program) who did our follow-up for breastfeeding. I watched “The Business of Being Born” while Jason was deployed one time (and promptly decided that homebirth was not for me, but that an unmedicated, minimal-intervention birth was). I started reading the kellymom website to learn about all things related to breastfeeding. And I decided I would nurse for a year.

To be honest, there were a few reasons why I chose to nurse, and not all of them were noble. Sure, it’s the food made just especially for a baby! But I’m cheap. And formula costs a lot. Assuming I’d be able to nurse with no problems, why would I pay for something I was making for free? Even with the expensive pump I’d need for going back to work, I was still going to come out way ahead. Also, nursing helps you lose baby weight faster. I had a uniform to get back into. Within a week of getting back to work after having Michaela, I submitted my paperwork to do the temporary separation program. There was no way I was buying all new uniforms for a year. So, although I knew that breastmilk was the best, most complete, source of nutrition I could offer my child, I liked the other benefits of breastfeeding just as much.

And then Michaela was born. And then she hit the 3-week growth spurt. And then I was a crying, blubbering, sore, touched-out, tired-of-feeding-the-child-every-hour-from-7-to-11-pm-just-to-wake-up-in-two-hours-to-do-it-again mess. And I wanted to quit. I didn’t want to be a snack machine. I wanted my child to see me as something other than just the lady with the food. But a wonderful group of ladies I know from an online community talked me off the ledge. They assured me that, if I could get to six weeks, it would all get easier. I doubted them, but I’m too stubborn to give up that easily (and I hadn’t lost enough weight yet, and I’m cheap), so I kept going.

And then it was 6 weeks. And then 8 weeks, when I went back to work. Nursing Michaela gave me an excuse to get to go see her every day at lunchtime so I could feed her once a day myself… something I was loathing at 3 weeks became my lifeline at 8 weeks. And then it was 6 months and we were still going, but she started to eat some real food, too. And then she was 11 months old and we were getting ready to move. There were some transitional issues going on at daycare and I found myself in a place I never thought I’d be… arguing for my choice – my right – to dictate that breastmilk would still be my child’s primary source of nutrition, regardless of the schedule at daycare. Who was this mom I’d become?

Then we moved. While we were on the trip, she turned one. I was going to stop at one. But through 23 days of cross-country driving, being able to nurse my – what??? – toddler was the one thing that made things a little easier for us all. Cranky afternoon in the car? Let’s pull over and let her nurse! She didn’t want to go to sleep at night? That’s fine, we’ll just nurse a little extra! Needing a little morning snuggle to get the day started right? Absolutely! Let’s nurse! Getting all set up in the new house with no furniture for a week or so was also made easier by the fact that we had a schedule of meals and nursing and naps and bedtime. I think the toddler was the one who dealt with all of it better than Jason and me!

But I was sure that as soon as we were settled, we’d wean. I was still a little weirded out by the idea of nursing this older child. By the time she was a year, she was able to sign “milk” so we kind of got passed that “old enough to ask for it” thing. So I’d moved past that. But I still didn’t like the idea of nursing a toddler, a real kid. But then we were settled and, although we started to drop some of the times we’d normally nurse as her schedule started to change, we were still nursing. Then she turned 14 months. 15 months. 16 months. By then, we were down to only two nursing sessions a day as she went to only one nap a day – nap and bedtime. Every once in a while, on a particularly cranky day, we’d throw an extra one in to calm her down.

But at 16 months, she still seemed so young to me. I knew she was a full-on toddler, but she just didn’t seem like she was “too old” to nurse. And then she was 17 months. And then 18. Somewhere along the line, we made our plans to go to the Mardi Gras Ball and have an overnight away from her in February. I just figured we’d be done nursing by then so it wouldn’t be a big deal at all. I mean, I was never going to nurse a toddler. And then she was 19 months. And then we went to that Mardi Gras Ball last weekend (and she was fine without me overnight!).

And now she’s less than 2 weeks away from turning 20 months and I’m a nursing mom.

Still.

And I don’t know when we’re going to stop. And I don’t know how I became someone who nurses a toddler. The strange thing is that, when I look down at her, I don’t see a toddler. I don’t see a baby, by any means, but I don’t see a toddler. I just see my girl, the one who has just always been a nursling. I don’t see a girl who’s “too old” or who “doesn’t need it” anymore. I see a girl who now says (or signs) “Milk, please!” when I get her ready for a nap or bedtime. I see the girl who stops eating to say random words as they pop into her head. Or to turn her head to see if she’s missing something on our bazillionth viewing of “Finding Nemo” in the past month. Or to get up and run around for a minute like she did tonight because she’s just not ready to settle down yet. I just see my girl.

Maybe she doesn’t *need* breastmilk anymore. She’s certainly getting great nutrition from all the food she eats. But some days, she doesn’t feel like eating much and I am comforted by the fact that she’s getting so much good stuff from me. And it’s not just the nutrition. Though we’re more scheduled in our nursing than a lot of other people are, and it can sometimes seem like more habit than comfort, I know that I am still her comfort and her constant. As she gets more and more independent every day, I know that coming to me to nurse grounds her and lets her know that she is safe and secure. That will help her spread her wings even more!

I don’t know how it happened. But I am a nursing mom.

Still.

We've got a climber!!

Thankfully, we also have a near-by outlet to put all those climbing skills to work and we can minimize the things she climbs on in the house. She's partial to getting into her highchair on her own, climbing up on stools (big and small), and even getting onto the kitchen chairs (which are stools - we have one of those higher tables).

But at a couple of the local parks, including my favorite one, there's a little "rock" wall to get up to part of the play structure. She wore herself out today climbing up the rocks and going down the big slide over and over again. It was great until she was crying and asking for her "pahce-fy" (pacifier) all the way home!

She found the handle!

This big step is no problem!

Almost to the top!!

I would like to point out that she couldn't even get up the short steps over to the right of where she is in the picture just a month ago. It's amazing to me how quickly she's growing and changing!

(And don't worry, I wasn't just standing back and taking pictures and hoping for the best - Jason was with me today to spot her and make sure she didn't tumble backwards!)

Taking a turn in a new direction....

You'll probably notice that I've been especially terrible at keeping up with this blog recently. With posting a picture to my 365 project blog every night, and usually sharing a little story about it, I haven't felt a big push to get over here and keep things updated.

If you haven't checked out my 365 project blog yet, you should! You'll get pretty well caught up with what's been going on around here. And who doesn't like pictures?

Meanwhile, I've decided maybe I can use this space for more than just keeping you all updated on what's going and maybe just get some of my own thoughts and ramblings out. I thought about just starting another blog for that, but then I'd have three to worry about and you've all seen how good I've always been about keeping ONE updated... maybe three would be a bad idea! I'll still post updates here (I seriously need to get some video up!), but I need an outlet, too. Skip the wordy ones if you don't feel like hearing it!!

Since I'm coming up on the 6 month anniversary of my last official day in the Coast Guard, I've been thinking a lot lately about my new role in life as "just" a wife and mom. (And I put the word *just* in quotes like that because it's long been a huge pet-peeve of mine when people in the Coast Guard talked about someone's spouse or child and called them "just a dependent." As if, some how, by being a dependent and not the active duty member, your life is less effected by the craziness that is military life.) In my case I went from being a career woman, wife and, most recently, mother, to being "just" a wife and mother, as if, somehow the last two are less important than my former career life.

I have to be honest, in the last 6 months, there have been MANY times when I've felt like I lost my "real" (there's those quotes again) identity and became defined by who I'm related to, rather than who I really am. Some days are worse than others. Some days, the absolute last thing I want to be is Michaela's mom. (Most of the time I don't mind being Jason's wife, though... I think I'm more used to that one!) It sounds terrible to say that, but any parent out there knows exactly what I mean. Somedays they just make it so HARD to be a parent! But I'm slowly learning that it's not that bad to be identified as wife and mom instead of active duty Coastie, or any other career title for that matter.

I've found myself making excuses for giving up my career (which I haven't really given up, I'm technically on a sabbatical, so I could go back still!) when people ask. Or laughing it off and joking about how I'm still getting used to being at home and how difficult it's been to adjust. I think I really had myself convinced that I shouldn't like being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), that I'd invested so much of my life and time into being a Coastie that I should be devastated or feel like less of a person by giving that up.

And then, one day a few weeks ago, Jason showed up at the park while Michaela and I were there playing and we decided to grab lunch together. We invited a friend along, one I hadn't seen since right before Christmas. As we were walking into Moe's, Matt told me I was looking good (who doesn't like to hear that!), and commented on my suburban mom outfit. Then, a couple days later, when Jason's dad was here, we were at the base and ran into Matt again. This time he told me that what he meant when we were at Moe's was that I looked happy, happier than I'd been in a while, and that it seemed like being out of the Coast Guard was agreeing with me. I felt like I'd been smacked upside the head! I mean, here I'd been trying to convince myself that I didn't really enjoy being out of the Coast Guard, or being a SAHM, and yet my attitude and demeanor were apparently telling a good friend something completely different!

Since that day, I have to admit, I seem to have turned a corner. I don't know if I needed "permission" to admit that I like being out of the CG, that I LOVE being home with my girl (most of the time... then there are those days....), or if I just didn't realize it, but it's true! I am truly enjoying this new phase my life. It's certainly not all sunshine and roses (like, I seriously miss my paycheck. A lot. Especially now that we live in a place where it's a lot easier to spend it!), but we've fallen into a nice little routine and we're having fun. I'm learning to be more patient than I ever thought possible, I'm falling in love with my little girl all over again every single day, and I kind of like being home enough to know what's going on and to make it really a home around here. (Jason might argue that I'm getting a little too controlling of the house and everything in it, but I'm trying to work on easing up on the Type-A-ness a little, too. Really.)

So there ya go. That's a lot to share on the first time out of the gate, huh? I just really had to get that out. Part of me is still trying to believe that I should still be missing the CG so much that I couldn't possibly be happy doing what I'm doing now, so maybe writing it down and being able to come back and re-read this will help me out with that.

But who wouldn't love the chance to catch every moment of this little girl's life? And she's growing up so stinkin' fast that I feel truly blessed to be seeing all of it and not just bits and pieces!

Angry birds....

I thought about posting these three pictures on my 365 Project blog, but I think they fit better here. Mostly because I have more of a story to tell about them than I've been sharing on the 365 blog, but also because it's supposed to be ONE picture per day, and I HAVE to post all three of these.

While waiting for our food at lunch today, we were trying to come up with something to keep the toddler occupied. I suggested letting her "play" angry birds on Jason's phone. Needless to say, she didn't really get what she was supposed to do, but she had no problem with Daddy helping out with making the birds fly. I never thought we'd get the reaction we did....

Watching the birds fly....

Wheeee!!!!!!

And then they flew into the wall.... and she said, "Ouch!!" over and over again.

And I laughed so hard that tears came out of my eyes. And Jason laughed so hard that he had tears. And my father in law thought maybe we were raising the world's weirdest child. And that maybe he should be concerned about the trauma we're causing our child in her early formative years.

But then I laughed all over again tonight while I was going through the pictures. Because it was hilarious!

I'll probably have to come up with some more toddler-friendly apps for my phone in the near future, but I know what I'll be doing if I need a little pick-me-up in the meantime!